How to help a child who feels lonely

What does loneliness mean?

Loneliness is defined by The Campaign to End Loneliness as:

‘a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want’.

While loneliness can be caused by being physically alone, being alone doesn’t necessarily lead to feeling lonely.

Sometimes children can feel lonely even if they’re often with other people. They might be feeling this way if they don’t feel properly seen or understood.

Loneliness can look and feel different for everyone, but if you’re worried about your child, it’s good to talk to them about what they might be feeling and experiencing.

What should I do if I think my child feels lonely?

If you think your child is feeling lonely, it’s best to try and talk to them about it first.

Ask them how they’re feeling and try to understand them. If you’re not sure where to start, we have lots of advice on having difficult conversations with children.

You might start by checking what loneliness means to your child. Do they recognise or relate to the feeling? Do they know it’s OK to feel that way sometimes? Do they know they can always talk to you about it if they're feeling this way?

If your child says they are struggling with loneliness, you could work together to create an action plan to help them with these feelings.

My child has said they feel lonely. What should I do?

If your child tells you they feel lonely, it’s important to listen carefully to them. You could repeat back what they’ve said to you, to check you’ve understood them.

Reassure them that loneliness can be a temporary feeling, and that you’re here to support them. Let them know that anybody can feel lonely at times, and you can work together to help them find ways to feel less lonely.

You could help them practice social interactions through role play or encourage them to join groups or clubs that they’re interested in or excited about.

You could share Childline's page on loneliness with them if they want advice or to learn more about the support that's available.

How often should I check in with my child?

Loneliness isn’t something that will feel resolved in one conversation, or by doing your action plan just once.

By having regular chats and check-ins with your child, they’ll have more chances to talk to you about how they’re feeling and if their loneliness is feeling better or worse.

You might agree on a regular time to sit down and talk, free from distractions, where your child knows they can talk openly about loneliness or anything else on their mind. Make sure they know they can come to you anytime they need to talk.

What if things seem to be getting worse, not better?

If you’re worried that your child’s loneliness is getting worse, it’s important to speak to teachers, community leaders, or others who know your child well. They could give a different perspective or other suggestions to help.

You can also reach out to healthcare professionals for more support, which could be in-person or online. And our befriending service, Building Connections, is also here to help children and young people struggling with loneliness.

If you think your child might also be experiencing anxiety or depression, we got lots of advice which may be able to help. And they can also contact Childline for support.